Hipster Doofus

Last Saturday, a wise man gave me some advice I should have taken. It was how to protect your hips from serious destructing (or from being DESTROYED.) The trick was to take an 8" x 8" piece of 5mm thick neoprene (one suggestion was to use a section from the leg of an old wetsuit) and put it directly on your hip under your lycra shorts. Why you ask?? If you're really pushing the limits on the mountain bike, you're quite possibly going to go down and when you do, the neoprene will greatly minimize the "cheese grater" effects of the trail. Like every other piece of great advice to help better my riding, I've proudly chosen to ignore it and blaze my own trails and bandage my own wounds.

I ventured out early this morning to get a few laps on the s/s on the Dogwood trail at Greensfelder. I thought I'd hook up with a few guys from the GORC board and met Eric, Matt, and Mark and decided to rollout with them a little after 7am. The ride was fairly uneventful. As we came to Allenton Road, I bid the group "happy trails" and climbed the road back to the Roadhouse road start of the Dogwood loop. Since the trails were in good, but dusty shape, I decided I'd press the pace considerably on this lap. I've really been working on setting my focus 25-50 feet down the trail and trying not to pay attention to any of the trail chatter or the trees along the trail (same wise man gave me that advice, too.) My eyes were set down the trail, reading around the corners, using my body to set the lean on the bike, scrubbing speed before the corners, not fingerbanging in the corners or at wrong times, well, you get the idea. The last little bit of technical section laying ahead of me, I felt like I had a good run going. Clear the off-camber rock garden, make a short climb over some small rock/rut sections, then head into the BMX-style berm turn and then prepare to climb out on the s/s.

The next few seconds are still a blur to me. As I headed into the apex of the off-camber corner through the rock garden, I slightly recall feeling both tires wash out unexpectedly and then I recall sitting up and looking around in a "what in the hell just happened" way. I had a similar feeling 25 years ago while in high school playing football. As a freshman, I was invited to play varsity football at the end of my JV season. In one particular practice, the starting team was running a sweep to my side of the field, I shed the lead blocker and had my sights set directly on the running back carrying the ball. The next thing I remember was the sight my coach looking directly into my face mask as I lay on the ground eyes towards the heavens. The culprit in this situation was the pulling guard. I never noticed him, but he hit me with enough force to knock me out for a few seconds. I feel today's body slam on the trail was similar in every little detail. I never saw it coming, it disoriented me, and I really didn't know what I could have done differently to prevent it.

The result of my wipeout was a large gash and cuts to my left elbow and a large bruise and knot on my left hip. I also recall feeling as though the upper part of my left arm was driven out the top of my left shoulder. I literally sat on the trail gasping for air and grunting through the pain for what felt like an hour. Covered with dust and blood, I checked my visible wounds and took a look at the section of the trail that had just blindsided me. My enemy was a couple of granite rocks sitting in the center of the trail with a light coating of sandy soil (and blood.) Unfortunately for me, not only did those rocks take me out, but I also drove my elbow and hips into the center of each of them.

Once I decided I wasn't going to bleed to death, I started walking for a few yards and then swung a leg over the bike and started pedaling. With blood running down my arm and the pain of a hammerblow on my left hip, I grunted my way back to the car. The climb out of Dogwood isn't too bad on the s/s, in fact, it's one of the better s/s climbs in the area. The trail is smooth and it's not too steep, however, when you lose the leverage of one arm and your hip is funked up, it's quite painful.

I'll survive to ride another day (I'm already thinking of riding tomorrow) but this spill won't soon leave my memory. In the course of all of my crashes, I think this one ranks very near the top. I pushed the limit and paid the price of stretching my comfort zone. Seeing me limp around this evening, my wife asked me if this (competitive mountain bike stuff) was worth it and my response was "do I have a choice?"

Look at it this way, I didn't break a chain today!

Yours truly,
The Hipster Doofus
Now where's the nearest wetsuit?